just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
