do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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