between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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