i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
