guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
