you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
