I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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