i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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