dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
