I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize