every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
