I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
