So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
