what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We're too hungover to prance.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
