I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
