you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
