You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
