So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
bring money and cleavage
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
