i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
