I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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