Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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