I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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