Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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