If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
