Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
