If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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