Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
