tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
