so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
