Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
