It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize