sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
