Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
