Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
