Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
