i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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