Yo dont text me then not text me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
