The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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