Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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