My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
