: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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