You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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