i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
