If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
