Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
