Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

Replies (31) Good night (4307) Bad night (859)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Di me a solid and hit me with your car.

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(715): Di me a solid and hit me with your car. http://tfl.nu/1rsf

Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (2169)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.

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(504): Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time. http://tfl.nu/sw6g

Replies (18) Good night (749) Bad night (1809)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

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(414): He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly" http://tfl.nu/s1qp

Replies (41) Good night (839) Bad night (4957)
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(813): View more from Florida

I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

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(813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp

Replies (64) Good night (8050) Bad night (913)
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(319): View more from Iowa

went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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(319): went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there. http://tfl.nu/ufbv

Replies (9) Good night (3647) Bad night (841)
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(561): View more from Florida

Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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(561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc

Replies (77) Good night (727) Bad night (7405)
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(650): View more from California

We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.

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(650): We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you. http://tfl.nu/6i0s

Replies (19) Good night (5036) Bad night (1082)
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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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(260): I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/s74r

Replies (27) Good night (1586) Bad night (4143)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

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(902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf

Replies (9) Good night (4214) Bad night (1022)
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(587): View more from Alberta

Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.

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(587): Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch. http://tfl.nu/ad1t

Replies (6) Good night (2330) Bad night (764)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

FUCK YOU MAN

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(717): Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in? (1-717): FUCK YOU MAN http://tfl.nu/h049

Replies (3) Good night (1684) Bad night (716)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend

(231): View more from Michigan

I love it when he cheats on me with nice people

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(231): Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend (231): I love it when he cheats on me with nice people http://tfl.nu/h468

Replies (8) Good night (586) Bad night (1407)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.

(216): View more from Ohio

It's a Jersey thing

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(732): He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet. (216): It's a Jersey thing http://tfl.nu/jggk

Replies (1) Good night (339) Bad night (530)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah

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(504): Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah http://tfl.nu/mugp

Replies (2) Good night (246) Bad night (434)

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