Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

She went from zero to smokin in five shots

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(303): She went from zero to smokin in five shots http://tfl.nu/1faz

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(585): View more from New York

Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick

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(585): Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick http://tfl.nu/4ktv

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(407): View more from Florida

I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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(407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

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(403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk

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(812): View more from Indiana

And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.

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(812): And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me. http://tfl.nu/o9ei

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(705): View more from Ontario

She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

(905): View more from Ontario

I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

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(705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea

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(443): View more from Maryland

I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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(443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw

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(863): View more from Florida

In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us

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(863): In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us http://tfl.nu/7cnb

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

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(304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf

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(310): View more from California

My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

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(310): My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope... http://tfl.nu/89fe

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(707): View more from California

Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god

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(707): Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god http://tfl.nu/bbiq

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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(201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a

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(650): View more from California

I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.

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(650): I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night. http://tfl.nu/uq34

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(928): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

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(928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv

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