dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa