Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
