And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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