Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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