I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We have started to decorate penises.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
