i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
