Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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