what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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