i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
