We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
