Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
