I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
