I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
