Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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