new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
