Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
