peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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