im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
