shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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